I Don’t Have to Like Juju & Crosswalk Questions

Hey Team. Here are rapid fire headlines before we jump into a few recent stories from the world of sports. March Madness is here. The Masters is just around the corner. The sun is setting at like 7pm. You can now subscribe to my newsletter for .99 cents a month. Injuries are piling up at the World Baseball Classic, but the home run videos are electric; where are those games even being played? President Xi of China is off on a little visit to Vlad Putin’s Russia, we’ll see how that goes. The French are all fired up, and maybe deservedly so. Taylor Swift’s “The Eras Tour” has begun. Something is going on with the banks in Switzerland now. And the Patriots signed tik toker Juju Smith-Schuster…

My first reaction to hearing that last piece of news: seething anger and sadness. Bill, what are we doing? To add insult, the move went down the day after we let Jakobi Meyers walk off to join our old visor boy in Vegas. Jakobi never rocked my world too hard. But he did have the stickiest hands in New England the last few seasons. It’s a shame we couldn’t work something out. Following this news, Juju is the last direction I thought we were going. Even though the storyline tells us that it is almost a 1 for 1 swap with what Jakobi brought, maybe even a slight upgrade. However, look at the last time we signed a wide receiver with some bizarre off-the-field performances. Bill paid Antonio Brown 10 million dollars to play one game. I will publish a biopic on Antonio Brown someday. 

Juju has been in the headlines since he was in diapers. Once upon a time he was dabbing in the endzone at USC. Sure, do your thing Young Buck. Then he was Big Ben’s number one target in Pittsburgh. That is where things really started to go downhill. He drifted into obscurity on the field- partly due to the fact that he was too busy dancing about corvette corvette’s and all the hopping out in the motherfucking jet like that. I’m sure some people love that sort of thing. I’m just not those people. Next, he landed with the Kansas City Chiefs in free agency, I though he was never to be heard of again. I was so wrong. 

Let me paint you a picture. I’m sitting on the couch scrolling twitter. It was the Tuesday after the Super Bowl where Juju had just caught 7 balls for 53 yards and got bailed out by a holding call on a shitty route that set up the Chiefs winning field goal. The Chiefs won blah blah blah Patrick Mahomes is on pace to never be as good as Tom Brady. But I could care less about what happened on the field. Juju took his victory dance one step too far: https://twitter.com/TeamJuJu/status/1625590293306445824

That tweet is the most disgusting thing I have ever seen. It is lower than pond scum, boastful, childish, and most importantly will stay with Juju until the day he dies. He should be suspended by the NFL for an entire season. And if they did that, I wouldn't have to worry about him dropping balls from Mac Jones after posting a pregame tik tok next season. It makes my blood boil.

Here’s something a little lighter for you to gnaw on. The golf season is clipping right along and Scottie Scheffler was the golden boy at the Players. (rip Players golden boy from last year (the little hologram they had swinging on screen, not Cam Smith, although that would work too)) I really like what Scottie has going on. He takes a lot of heat for not being interesting enough. What a lame take that is. On a hot week, this guy fucks up golf tournaments and leaves the other players treading water all weekend, and he has a lot of hot weeks. What else do you want him to do? Start chirping guys and yell at reporters? 6 wins in the last year and his ho hum meandering around the golf course makes him my favorite to bring home a second green jacket.

He also gets a lot of airtime for being a big God guy (you’re welcome for capitalizing). I gotta respect that, but personally, I am not a big God guy. I just don’t quite get it at this point in my life. I can’t quite wrap my mind around giving some other being that much credit for making things the way that they are. I guess that’s the whole idea about it but we gotta give ourselves some credit every once in a while. I did see a tweet that seemed to hit the nail on the head: https://twitter.com/garrett_TFE/status/1634698757622358016?s=20 

Yes, yes it does seem like an excellent way to go about winning golf tournaments. I’ll take a backseat on this and let Scottie do his thing.

Should I throw my hat in the ring on all this bifurcation and rollback hullabaloo? Sure, why not. I think it makes sense if it is in an effort to get some of the best players on the most challenging championship courses that are beginning to become obsolete due to distance. If you are in the .1% of golfers, do you care that you can’t hit a ball 330 yards off the tee in a tournament with this new ball they're proposing, while in the back of your head, you know that you can with the old ball? Especially if everyone else can now only hit it 305 also? And that is all the course demands anyways? I don't understand why the equipment companies needed to make every club hit the ball farther in the first place. The horse is far out of the barn and roaming the pastures at this point. They know what they are capable of with fancy technology! Lots of opinions from all shapes and sizes since the announcement. I’m all for sharing opinions, of course. But who is right?

We’ll finish with this question. How do you walk across a crosswalk? I mean, if a car stops for you so that you can cross the street, do you keep a normal walking pace or do you get a sort of hop in your step? I think it says a lot about you as a person. I usually do one little hop step, then get back to my normal pace. Maybe one more hop to finish it off, that shows some effort. If you lollygag across and don’t even lift a pinky for a courtesy wave, you should get hit by that car. But if you sprint across, you need to loosen up a little bit. 

Thank you for your time.