#Businesstrips and “The Menu”
Hey everybody. Things have been bustling since we last got together.
@GlenBurnz is on the road again. While he’s been out in the wild I have received a few updates. This blog derives a lot of creative influence from the “Trapdraw” podcast of the golf conglomerate “No Laying Up”. Recently, the gentlemen over there have been on the case of many travel and societal issues, as they always are. I am both eager and concerned to report that Glenz experiences address some of the very issues they have brought to light. I recently received a cry for help from Glen. He had been served a warm beer at an airport bar. This is concerning, although he did acquiesce to the idea that the beers may not have been given the proper time to chill. *time-stamp not included*. Soon after, I received further updates that he had been asked to gift a 25% tip to a self-service robot machine that scanned his $16 bag of cashews. What the heck is even that? No human interaction, no service provided. What did the machine do? If anything, we should be putting that coin back in Glenz pocket! These airport hostage prices are criminal to begin with, let alone asking us to entertain the idea of a tip of any kind. These are the types of things that send society down a path of no return. Soon, we’ll be tipping gas pumps and vending machines. (do people tip the gas pumpers in NJ? At least those are humans!) On the bright side, Glen was pleased that the fine folks at United Airlines handed him a complimentary pair of headphones so that he could enjoy the In-Flight Entertainment (IFE). As a sprouting United mileageplus member, that put a smile on my face.
This week, my employer sent me and a coworker on a #busninesstrip up to Deer Isle, Maine. Deer Isle and Stonington are the self-proclaimed “Lobster Capital of the World”. I am all for self-proclamations. Here’s one for you: This is the best blog on the planet. If anything, these proclamations should spark the interest of citizens. I, personally, like to see things for myself. It gives the traveler a reason to form an opinion on the search for truth. One self-proclamation that I will take a moment to denounce is this: Wiscasset, Maine is not the “Prettiest Village in Maine”.
This is truly one of the greatest crimes of our time. Wiscasset is no prettier than any other small town with a few old churches, shops, and a water view. Their “harbor” is actually very ugly. I will not go down the rabbit hole of “Wiscasset Traffifc” or the “Line at Red’s Eats”. Those are related issues that deserve the attention of a blog in themselves. But somehow those sleazeballs in the DOT and town planning committees or whatever managed to get Rt. 1 routed directly through the town of Wiscasset. More eyeballs does not always equal more smiles. Sample sizes matter folks. I obviously cannot help from driving across that rickety bridge from Edgecomb to Wiscasset, but only because I like to travel efficiently, and sometimes that means supporting the transportation monopolies of our world. Citizens of Wiscasset, take a look in the mirror.
Sorry, we were talking about Deer Isle.
There were no Deer on Deer Isle, at least from what I saw. My coworker and I, let us call her, Roman Trouser, arrived after dark on Monday evening. The roads were curvy and lacking in other vehicles. The bridge that brings you from the town of Sedgewick onto Little Deer Isle is the most narrow and treacherous two-lane situation I have ever seen. We passed a set of what seemed to be dump trucks and I felt our side-view mirrors tickle each other. We managed to find our lodging on Main Street in Stonington. The only soul we saw was the Sherriff, who was quietly idling in an empty lot. I wanted to say hello to see what the pulse of the nation was, but Roman vetoed.
In our “post work hours,” we toured the island in the #company minivan. Yards were scattered with lobster traps in an almost comical way. Many driveways were taken up by boats that were taking a winter snooze. The street names were fun: “Buck and Doe Rd., Dolphin Drive, Gravel Pit Drive, Deep Hole Lane,” and other things of that nature. Besides all the apparent deer and lobstermen that inhabited this island, there were art galleries everywhere. After a cursory perusal of the Deer Isle-Stonington Chamber of Commerce website, there are at least 15 galleries. I’d venture to say that is a lowball number.
This was a business trip after all. Roman and I work with kids, we teach, and mold young minds into the future world leaders and degenerates of tomorrow. (Every society needs degenerates too) I'll spare the details of the work days to maintain the anonymity of our clients. If I could just shout out one thing: Deer Isle-Stonington Elementary School is a chess juggernaut. The banners that lined the gymnasium were astounding. There were chess boards painted on the tables in the cafeteria to encourage play. I was flabbergasted. The weirdest part of all of this: nobody could tell me how or why this obsession with success in chess had begun.
In all seriousness, Deer Isle is an amazing part of this state and the world. I look forward to returning in other months besides March.
Has anyone seen the film “The Menu”? Yeah, I said film. Good golly Miss Molly. I needed to change my shirt after the first hour. It is creepy from the start, but in a way where the path to destruction is unclear. I have always been fascinated by the art of how storytellers break the wall between normal, suspenseful, creepy scenes, and the reality that violence and really bad people are all around you. In this film, they did it in as shocking a way as possible during the fourth course. Turns out somebody’s just gotta get shot in the face. (spoiler :)) This film is worth the watch if you can bear minor suspense and jump scares that will put a smile on your face. I usually can’t but this one was more cool than terrifying. Most of the characters are idiots which also added to my pleasure.
Here’s something I would like to get ahead of. I did not know about Condé Nast. Yeah yeah yeah it’s the publishing company for every magazine ever blah blah blah. People have been asking me, “Mr. HotTakes, how had you never heard of Condé Nast?”. The answer is simple. I don’t know. For those who gleefully live in ignorance like myself, Condé Nast publishes magazines like, The New Yorker, Vogue, GQ, Vanity Fair, Bon Appetite, and Pitchfork. Sometimes you just gotta open your eyes I guess. The crazy thing is, once I pried my eyes open a little farther I discovered a Russian nesting doll of companies and names I’d never heard of. Condé Nast runs all that shit listed above, a company called Advanced Communications owns them, and Advanced is apparently a major shareholder in Charter Communications, Reddit, and Warner Bros. Why are these folks hiding behind silly names? Makes you think. Any Joe Schmo can see this on Wikipedia. (I’m the Joe Schmo!)
Lastly, I know my readers will want my take on the Silicon Valley Bank debacle. Unfortunately, I did not make it past Micro Economics in college, so I have no idea what any of that shit means. I can learn though. Sorry folks.
I’ll leave you with this thought for the comments: Are people still eating Tide Pods?
