Audit - 24 Hot and Lukewarm Takes From 2024

‘24 was a busy year. There was a lot of opportunity for the hot and lukewarm takes to fight their way into existence. I’ll take some time to conjure up my 25 scalding hot takes for 2025, but before then, we must audit the accuracy of last year’s takes. *Last years takes are in italics, audit comments are not.

The President Elect will NOT be named Donald or Joe. This was touch and go for a bit, alas. 

The Toronto Blue Jays will win the World Series. The Blue Jays went 74-88 and missed the playoffs.

Vladimir Putin will win the Russian Presidential election in March. (not hot) Putin won 88% of the vote. 

JetBlue and Spirit Airlines will NOT successfully merge. The Feds backed me on this one. Nailed it. 

The NHL will announce the addition of two expansion franchises. I got a little out ahead of my skis on this one, will recycle for ‘25.

Apple will change their universal charging cord again. (certainly not hot) I think we can all read the writing on the wall that the USB-C will control our lives for a year or two. 

UCONN will repeat as Men’s College Basketball Champions. Bang. Nailed it. No 3-peat though.

Barbie will NOT win the Oscar for Best Picture. I was told this was a cold take, but still nailed it. 

The earth’s temperature in 2024 will crush the record set in 2023. (hot, and not good) I’m told there are still some calculations to be completed, but I think I nailed it. 

Interest rates will continue to fall. Did happen, nailed it. Thanks Jerome.

Mark Zuckerberg will step down as the CEO of Meta. Similar to the NHL expansion franchises, I think we’re close. 

The Boston Celtics will win the NBA Title. Yay. 

The Bath Golf Club in Bath, Maine will be sold to the non profit seeking to maintain its 18-hole status. Has not happened and everyone seems to be dragging their feet. I cannot find any new information anywhere. BGC did put in an indoor simulator for the winter season.  I will go and scope the vibe of the operation. 

The New England Patriots will win 9 games with Kirk Cousins as their quarterback. I would rather win 3 games with Drake Maye than win 9 with Kirk Cousins. #coldtake

DJ Khaled will stop golfing. I think we can claim partial victory on this one. DJ’s golfing excursions have been non-existent on my feeds, and for that, I am grateful. AI Overview on Google is telling me he still golfs 5-7 days a week and claims the golf course is a “fortress of solitude” for him. 

Bill Belichick will be the head coach of the Tennessee Titans Dallas Cowboys Atlanta Falcons. Bill had such a goofy year. Go Tar Heels!

Stanley Cups will go out of style. (these ones, not this one) This was a layup. Owala’s are #in. 

The US will NOT win the most gold medals at the Summer Olympics. The US tied with China in gold medals. Victory for Howie!

Stripes will be back. (fashion) You can do your own research but I’m actually hearing that stripes were pretty hot in the streets. Victory!

Tommy Fleetwood will win the PGA Championship. Wrong. He finished T26.

Howard Stern will retire. Wrong. He’s only 70 and makes wheelbarrows full of money every minute, keep it up Howie. 

Jack Harlow will become irrelevant. I am claiming victory on this. 

The Red Sox will lose more games than they win. Correct. I heard the Red Sox are “in” on making the playoffs this season. May Walker Buehlers pants never rip.

Howiehottakes will take over the internet. Didn’t happen, I just need more time. Compounding interest etc.

Overall, I think I crushed it. A solid B-. What would you grade me? Sound off in the comments below.