Recent Funny Business (Golf)

Golf is a goofy game. And people that talk about it for a living are even goofier, sometimes. I often struggle to come up with a story worth putting on paper because there are so many little things to hit that are interconnected and bring us away from what is actually important, which is the game of golf. This week, I managed to jot some words down: 

The 8 winners on the PGA Tour so far this season aren’t going to make our hearts flutter, but they still won the golf tournaments, and there is plenty of value in that (fiscally speaking of course). Some are saying it’s an indictment of lack luster play thus far from the studs out there. But maybe we just need to make space for new studs. The season is well under way, but still young. There’s time for the big names to poke their heads out hibernation to satisfy the thirsty golf nuts out there.

Matthieu Pavon was an interesting champion. He doesn’t quite look the part, I can’t quite put my finger on why. As I watched the final holes at Torrey Pines, I was actively learning what the hell this Frenchman was about. Apparently, he is about a “competitive edge”, stamping down rough etc. But this guy is balling out. He leads the PGA Tour in scoring average, birdie average, SG approach to green, Total SG, and he’s 3rd in SG putting. By the end of the ‘24 szn, this guy might have more wins than vowels in his (first) name! I’m not fully on the bandwagon yet, but I’ll be watching Matthieu. 

If you are an avid HHT reader you would know that I predicted DJ Khaled would stop golfing or be seen in less golf capacities in 2024. I thought we were off to a good start, but this recent “performance” as a commentator on “Capital One’s The Match” tells a different story. Mr. Khaled was all over the place. He even managed to get #canceled from the broadcast due to his overzealous activities. This guys got a horrible golf swing. They beat this story to death on the pre match set, but Sir Charles should be ashamed by his performance losing ⅔ holes to DJ. Mr. Khaled is a cartoon character who speaks in tongues and doesn’t know how to microwave popcorn. I am all for #growing the game, but seeing this guy play ultra exclusive Florida golf courses on his instagram is only growing my disdain for his brand. Get back in the lab Mr. Khaled and make some tunes! As I’m writing this…maybe he will hear this backlash and switch lanes like his driver does in that cappucino colored Maybach. Wait, no he won’t. Khaled is famous for proving the haters wrong in his own little world. #WETHEBEST

I thought The Match was delightful. I did not catch all of it, as I had some #deliverables to complete by #EOD. The commentating and banter was good, except for Christina Kim. She was trying WAY too hard. Throwing out every golf trope in the book and she severely mistimed any “chirp” she tried to make. Credit to the rest of the gang on the broadcast for doing their best to keep the train moving. It negatively impacted the broadcast. I am all for including commentators who focus on women’s golf. But let’s look no further than Big Randy from NLU. He’s got the insights, wit, and a general understanding of how to talk to humans, unlike Christina. Kathryn Tappen did a swell job out on the course. She will always hold a special place in my heart for her time as the Bruins reporter on NESN back in the day. Regardless, it was a fun format. Mic’d up casual golf is always fun, and the course looks awesome. Excited for more. 

LIV happenings continue to be a drop in the bucket. The needle is not moving. All eyes have been on that one slo-mo clip of Anthony Kim clipping balls at the range in King Abdullah Economic City, but he might just be a one and done on the tour. He doesn’t even have a team of compadres to fraternize with! 

The Anthony Kim stuff is compelling, but not as compelling as what could have been. This quote from Mr. Bunkie Perkins sums it up perfectly:

Link to the tweet and video here

Seriously, who are the haters? This guys got fans out the wazoo, right? I’ve never even consciously seen him hit a live competitive golf shot and I’m intrigued by what he will look like. The LIV folks have it all wrong, and they are doing Mr. Kim a disservice. Maybe he has more up his sleeve than we realize. The ole bait ‘n switch, or the ole lie to ‘em and then turn on ‘em, the ole you thought huh?

Talor Gooch was heard complaining about the ongoing crusade of LIV golfers to receive their worth in terms of spots in Major Tournaments. Basically, The Masters tournament without The Gooch is The Masters*. Please note the asterisk. I for one, think you are incorrect, Mr. Gooch. Your net worth fills me with abundant sympathy :/

Bunkie offered another absolute heater on the subject, enjoy:

In personal news, I am bashing the ball off the tee (virtually of course). @GLENBURNZ and I have been frequenting a nearby virtual golf simulator situation at the Brunswick Golf Club. It’s a funny scene there. A different 37 year old dude is the only employee there every time. He combines his expertise as IT support, bartender, swing coach, and a Barstool sports mouthpiece. Anyways, I am just murdering the ball with the big stick. We’re talking like 237 carry and a rollout on the fake screen-fairway to maybe 253. I’ll take that every day of the week. I’ve gone to the gym since and promptly hurled medicine balls into the ground to maximize speed and activate my fast twitch muscles, I’m basically jacked and limber AF now. Watch out world. 

Jake Knapp won last week in Mexico. Tony Finau came into the week as a favorite after a victory at the event last year. And, well, he didn’t back it up. Here’s a take for you. I really do not enjoy watching Tony swing the golf club. First of all, it’s unrelatable to a fella like myself. Tony is tall, howiehottakes is short. He skitters up the ball like Billy Horschel on the greens. He’s twitchy and his clubs look an inch or two too short. He’s got that short compact swing that somehow compresses the ball like it it’s in a vice. It’s bothersome. I don’t have to explain myself further. But my visceral disgust is growing every day. 

There is plenty of content out there about what a snoozer this event in Mexico is. But let’s focus on Mr. Jake Knapp. The PGA Tour social teams absolutely lucked out with this guy as the winner on a week when a plump man from Finland was in the running as well. I saw all kinds of superlatives flying around about Jake: stud, cinderella story, smooth, buttery, phenom. The list goes on. I can’t get enough of this guy's golf swing. I’d like to announce that I will now be modeling my swing after Jake’s, check for updates on that adventure. I got a little tired of the “a year ago he was a bouncer and now he’s a millionaire” narrative. It’s just not that interesting. Lots of folks have second jobs, and a bouncer? The dude was probably striping balls and getting after it in the gym all day and then logging some hours for cash in the evenings at a glitzy nightclub where he flirted with bashful ladies while fake looking at their ID’s. I respect the hustle, but it wasn’t like he ever stopped golfing. He wasn’t flipping burgers with dreams of winning The Masters in his head. Obviously a fat tournament check changes things, but please, let’s avoid squeezing the story sponge too hard. Jake’s swing, hair, and relationship with his late grandfather are enough to keep us around. 

The PGA Tour begins the Florida Swing at PGA National Palm Beach Gardens with the Cognizant Classic (Formerly the Honda). I am deeply saddened by this sponsor switch as a 2011 CR-V owner and after so many good years of charitable work from Honda at this tourney. Does this mean there won’t be a floating car in the middle of that lake? Shoot. The field has some notable names, the course has a lot of water, 500 FedEx cup points and a $9,000,000 purse are on the line. 

So, who are these Cognizant fools? Cognizant is a “multinational, information technology services and consulting company”, according to Wikipedia the free encyclopedia. UHHHHHHHHHHHH, that checks out. They have over 300,000 employees and I would love to ask one of those people, “what does your day to day look like?” I know their answer wouldn't make any sense or allow for any follow-up questions. Their employees are probably those people making videos about their 5-9 after their 9-5 in corporate America. Those people can fuck right off, btw. 

I am hearing from a boots on the ground source that the course is in “good shape”, and “well groomed”. I’m happy to hear that. I wonder if they take a Gillette Razor to the fairway line like they do at Augusta, probs not. 

I personally am not a huge fan of viewing this tournament with my eyes. There’s too much water, the tee boxes seem crowded and squeezed in, Jack Nicklaus is always hanging around waiting for his chance to pontificate, and there are simply too many houses circumnavigating this place. I fundamentally prefer sparse real estate around a golf course, but that’s just me. 

Mr. Nicklaus is bullish (not golden bearish lol) about this year's tournament. Tom D’Angelo of The Palm Beach Post reported on some boring quotes that Jack muttered about how the tournament will be just fine, the charity aspect is what elevates and keeps this event relevant, and he doesn’t give a rats ass about how many local pros opt out of the tournament every year. Jack, it’s fine if you don’t care about that, but the rest of us wouldn’t mind seeing some of those “locals” tee it up. At least Rory is in the field. Do you think he’ll have a hangover from “The Match”?

I’ll watch though. Who remembers that nasty wedge shot from Chris Kirk in the playoff last year? I cannot remember a time when I witnessed a more ho-hum dart in such a pressure situation. Also, as the viewer, I somehow thought it was inevitable that Chris was going to stick it so close. Let’s see what fireworks happen this year!

Adrien Dumont de Chassart is in the field this week. Keep an eye out for the Belgian.

Stay curious.