Wednesday Quick Hitter #3
Happy Valentines Day. I was recently minding my own business in a grocery store cafe-ish sitting area. I was not there by choice. I was on the clock and waiting for a food delivery donation to arrive so I could bring it back to my place of employment. Not that I wouldn’t hang out in a grocery store sitting area by choice, but if I did, I would probably be there to monitor the behavior and ability of the patrons to return carts in the parking lot.
Two other folks inhabited this area. The first, an elderly gentleman, was painting on a small canvas with a quill pen. He periodically dipped his quill in ink and wore his glasses far down his nose. The other was a person with pink hair who apparently was having a tough week. The renaissance man and them were engaged in a sporadic conversation where he commiserated and offered empathetic advice. The pink haired person let the advice go in one ear and out the other and then sprang into a new drama affecting their existence. Then, I heard something concerning. The pink haired person stated that they do not consume any news at all and rarely interact with social media, it gives them too much anxiety. To each their own, but they said it in a way where it seemed as if the outside world was irrelevant to their time on earth, and any extraneous events that took place should mind their own business. I might agree that the news is often shocking, and can cause fear, anger, confusion, loss of hope, depression, etc. But, shouldn’t we all know a little bit about what's going on out there? If nothing else, let’s all agree to have a catalog of items to include in small talk, rather than resorting to unloading personal problems about your most recent dentist appointment and the price of cat litter.
With all that said, here are some shocking, fun, and not so fun stories from around the world in recent weeks. Hopefully my pink haired friend can find this URL and have some things to talk about!
A dude in Rhode Island recently killed a coyote with his bare hands. He was out hiking in the woods near the town of Johnston when a cute little canine jumped him with teeth chattering and foam spouting out of its mouth. The man pinned the wild beast on the ground and choked his ass out. Kablam. The ‘yote was taken to a lab and tested for rabies, tests were positive. The man was bitten on the leg during the attack and it remains to be seen what will happen to him. Coyotes are a fascinating American character with a long and complicated relationship with humans. This is just another chapter in the struggle. I am in need of a report on the physical status of this man to inform how he was capable of this defense. Is he a mountain of a man? Nebbish? Shredded? Skinny fat? We need some sort of baseline. Thanks.
A man in Manchester, England called the police to report a drunk driver. He was the drunk driver. The man reportedly told police that “he doesn’t know what he is doing”. Take out the booze and this is Tim Robinson’s beginner driver character in the flesh. But good on this bloke for keeping the streets safe!
A pigeon that was falsely accused of espionage has been released from an 8 month detention in Mumbai, India. The pigeon was captured after authorities spotted two rings on its ankles with supposed Chinese writing on them. Somehow, these same authorities discovered that the pigeon was an open water racing bird from Taiwan that had gotten lost in the “friendly skies”. Apparently, this pigeon was transferred out of detention and then released by an animal cruelty prevention organization without police knowledge. Vigilante justice! In short, we don’t need this happening. If you need to have race pigeons, don’t let them escape. But also don’t keep something that can’t speak words in prison because you think they are an international spy.
The pastor at the United Methodist Church in Woodbury, CT has been arrested after accusations that he was selling crystal meth out the church rectory. What the flip? Woodbury is in the county I grew up in and I lived in a town that is 10 minutes away from this church in ‘20-’21. Woodbury is a small New England village where this absolutely should not be happening. But, here we are. I wonder how long this pastor has been cookin’? I wonder if he watched Breaking Bad for inspiration? I wonder how many members of the congregation knew about and were involved in this operation? The opioid crisis is at the top of the major issues affecting our nation, and we certainly don’t need the clergy using church time and resources to contribute to the market. Add this to the list of reasons we should all be wary of “the church”.
Some golf news: A pelican was captured on a Dutch golf course last week. Check this beast out: https://www.instagram.com/p/C3BXLUMqO7G/ This pink-backed pelican had escaped from a zoo in Belgium and was chilling buckets on the golf course before some jerks tracked ‘em down and caged ‘em back up. A loss for the golfers and the pelican, but a win for the fish inhabiting the water hazards on the course.
An absolutely wild sporting situation came out of the SAFF U19 Women’s Soccer Championship Final. India and Bangladesh were tied 1-1 after regulation and then tied 11-11 on penalty kicks. The game official was all ready to keep the kicks going when tournament officials told them to stop. Apparently, they said “No more penalty kicks! We will flip a coin instead!” Flip a coin? To end a game? Who gets to call it? This is a championship game! I don’t care if you are playing a meaningless game of cornhole and losing sunlight, YOU FINISH THE DAMN GAME. Play it the next day! Check out this video of the coin flip and ensuing drama: https://www.reddit.com/r/soccer/comments/1am0soa/in_the_saff_womens_u19_championship_final_india/
After the coin flip, India was victorious! The Bangladeshis were irate! The man in the suit was stoically just getting ripped apart. I am glad the Bangladeshis held him accountable. The situation continued to go as terribly as it could have. After OVER AND HOUR of discussion and pandemonium in the stadium, the tournament officials decided to award the championship to both teams after all. What a saga. Make a decision and stick by it. A coin flip erases all integrity this event had. They should have just kept playing! We can’t be building the plane while flying it!
Lastly, things continue to be bad in Senegal. I plan to put together a longer piece about this situation as it goes on, but for now I’ll hit the highlights. The current President of Senegal, Macky Sall, has decided he would not like to leave office just yet. He postponed the election until next December and justified this by explaining a need to solve the disconnect between the legislative and judicial branches of the government. The Senegalese people are proud of their stature as one of the most stable democracies in Africa, and they are furious with the President’s actions that threaten this status. The government has imposed unjust sanctions on the public as protests and general unrest permeate the country. Let’s hope this tyrant gets ousted before next December and order is restored in Senegal.
Stay curious.